A Moment for Your Monday: Beyond Myself

We all make the best decisions we can for our children. We do everything we can that we think will keep them healthy, happy, growing, learning, and thriving. And we rejoice when we see the fruit of those things!

My son has been extremely healthy his whole life. I have actually only had to take him to the doctor for illness once in his almost-two-years, and it was overseas on a trip. Sure, he gets colds once in a while, but a week of saline spray and humidifiers usually gets him through it just fine and he really never gets fevers. I realize I have been spoiled, but I love it.

But over the last few years I've grown proud, too. I have slowly attributed his extraordinary health to my choices: feeding him as a newborn, the foods he eats now, how he was weaned in between those two things, the way I treat the first signs of illness, how I keep our home, our routine... you name it. I was proud of how I had made mothering choices and how this had clearly led to a superiorly healthy, thriving child.

Until one night last week, when I held my poor, whimpering, feverish boy at 3:30 am, at a total loss. He had had a low-grade fever for three days and a mild runny nose, but no other obvious symptoms. I had treated him like I always do: lots of water, lots of rest, tylenol for his fever, saline spray and humidifier for his nose, warm baths for all of the above. And after three days of this, he suddenly spiked a fever around 102 in the middle of the third night - the highest he has ever had in his life. I didn't know what else to do to help him. As we snuggled, my heart cried out,

"Jesus, I am beyond myself right now. I have been so proud. I have let my pride run wild. All this time I have contributed my own actions and decisions to keeping my son healthy. But clearly all those things are of no use right now. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I tried to take credit for this incredible little creature that you have knitted and fashioned so amazingly. I need you now. Please, please heal my baby. Jesus, help him feel better. I can't do that - only you can."

I finally went back to bed feeling very small, indeed. Humbled. Silly. Helpless.

In the morning, there was no sign of fever. I could have cried, I was so relieved. It was like Jesus nudging me and saying, "I'm here with you. I love this little guy more than you know. I've entrusted him to you, and you're doing the best you can, but ultimately I am in control. Remember that. And when you come to the end of yourself, I will still be there continuing on where you can't. I don't end. I will never let him go."

Have you ever come to the end of yourself? Maybe you are there right now, and you don't know where else to turn as you try your best to mother. Remember that Jesus is there - beyond the end of you - and is watching over your sweet babies. Will you hand it over to him?